New Post!

As most of you know, this blog has been inactive for some time. Partly this was due to other demands on our time, and partly due to the fact that John was doing so well. However, it's occurred to us that some of his best stories are in danger of being forgotten because they're not being captured here.

With that in mind, Eric is planning to restart blogging about John.

A brief update: in the ~2 years since the last post, John has made it through(mainstream) Kindergarten, and is now in first grade. By all measures, he is excelling. He signed up for T-ball in the spring, and is playing soccer and hockey this fall. All this sounds nuts, and to be honest, it is. Oh, did we mention Cub Scouts?

We're probably doing too much, and we realize that. The idea is to throw a bunch of activities out there and see what sticks. If we pick one, we risk getting him pigeonholed (see Thomas the Tank Engine), and we are afraid of narrowing his interests this way (and missing something that may really light his fire).

The hockey is probably worth more of a mention here.

Eric plays hockey. Well, "plays" in the sense of "skates around, occasionally does well, and drinks beer afterward." John last year began taking a keen interest in hockey, and for most of 2007 he's been taking ice skating lessons. Now he has a bag full of hockey pads, and the standard pre-activity socialization effort has begun. Eric and John talk about how John will have to learn the rules, and how to do drills, and that there will be times he gets frustrated, and that all this is okay. We draw parallels to when he learned to skate, and soccer, and the way he has to do things in school. He seems to get it....

School is better than we could have hoped. Some accommodations were made for him in Kindergarten, though these were mild. He had a once-a-week Lunch Bunch where he could pick 2 friends and eat at a special table outside the noisy cafeteria. Also at the table was his autism specialist, and she would help John engage in appropriate conversations with his friends. We were afraid that the other kids in his class would pick up on this "special treatment," and they did. However, rather than tease, they competed for the privilege of eating with him!

Cloud contrails

During the week, Eric takes John to school in the morning. This brief (~15 minutes) drive has, somewhat surprisingly, turned into a daily dose of education for John, as he and Eric discuss things they see on the road or perhaps talk about issues at school or in the neighborhood.

Recent examples of "learning by observation" have included learning about "One Way" signs, "No U-Turn" signs, "No Parking" signs (which John initially decided meant "No P-Turn"), traffic, lane changes, and such. John and Eric have also talked about contrails, which John initially identified as "long straight clouds."

Now that he's learned of contrails, John sees them often. It helps that we have a large and busy airport just a few miles away. As cooler weather approaches, seeing these contrails is becoming a common experience. This morning, however, he noticed something new in the sky. The clouds up above were dark grey, but thin and strung out. An odd sight, to be sure, but it took John's unique perspective to describe them.

"Look, Dad, cloud contrails!"

Favoritism

Lately, John has begun exploring the world of different outcomes, particularly since these differing outcomes can come as the result of answers to questions. Like the kind of questions children ask their parents.

Eric and Joyce function as a team, but John has learned that one of these parents is a softie, and one is, well, Officer Hardass. John is beginning to ask one parent a question, and if he doesn't like the answer, he will ask the other. In the beginning, this was a 50/50 proposition, and John would ask whichever parent was handy. Lately, though, he's begun seeking out the softie, and avoiding Officer Hardass.

This weekend, however, presented a new wrinkle for Burrito -- the absense of one parent. John and Eric were on their own last weekend, as Joyce was in New York enjoying a much-deserved break. The boys had fun, getting some work done around the house and playing outside in celebration of weather that is just far too good for Virginia in November. Occasionally, though, John got the sort of ideas that 4-year-olds get, and he would communicate them as in these examples:

Eric: What do you want for breakfast?
John: How about candy?
Eric: No, that's not breakfast. Cereal is breakfast. A cereal bar is breakfast.
John pauses for a second, then asks: When will Mom be home?
Eric: Not in time for breakfast!

Eric: John, do not jump from the chair to the couch. I've asked you before not to do that.
John: Sorry.
John: When will Mom be home?

Halloween Redux

And by "Redux" I mean "Rerun." Literally.

John was Thomas. Again. We asked him if he wanted to be something else, and he said no. We pointed out that all of the other kids in the neighborhood were going as Power Rangers or Superheroes or things of that nature. Nope. Just Thomas. Would he, perhaps, wear the hat this year? Nope.

Well, in the spirit of things, Eric went as Deadbeat Dad for the fourth consecutive year. Joyce went as, well, herself. We roamed the neighborhood with the Gang, consisting of John, Alden, Dodson, Kerik, and Avery, Alden's older brother (we heard Oliver's voice from time to time, but didn't find him, so the gang was 1 short of full). After a slow start, the boys developed a system of terrorizing-er, going door-to-door and obtaining candy.

As the evening progressed, the kids got bolder and bolder and began running directly from house to house, bypassing the formality of using walkways, sidewalks, and driveways. Eric warned John that he should be careful. Immediately after this warning, John tripped down a flight of stairs, spilling candy everywhere. Disaster!

Okay, not a disaster. After a typical 4-year-old crying period (elapsed time: 30 seconds), we gathered up our candy and ran through the flowerbed to the next house. If you are one of our neighbors reading this, we apologize.

In other Burrito news, he's taken a shine to Little Bear, which is a TV show for kids his age. He calls his teddy bear "Little Bear". He wanted to take "Little Bear" to school one day, and Eric explained that this wasn't a good idea since the bear might get lost. John whispered to "Little Bear" and then told me that "Little Bear says he won't get lost."


Oh, and John's grandmother says she's never been mentioned in this blog. So, Susannah Carr of Jupiter, FL is his Mimi and she absolutely adores him. Happy, Mom?

Crazy, cool and magical

These days, anything good in the world is either crazy, cool or magical.

Yesterday, two wire hangers were "magical" because he hooked them together such that the second one was "floating." Last week, Eric and John were driving to school when a car zipped past and cut them off. John retorted that "that's a crazy car." "Crazy" also applies to anything you might say that's, well, crazy. John seems to understand the nuances of these words extremely well, and applies them appropriately.

Things that are good are, for the most part, cool. "Look at this cool picture I made" is common, as is "Look at my cool train." Alter his train tracks into an unexpected shape, and he'll inform you that "That's a crazy track!"


For Eric's birthday, John made him a card. When Eric woke up and came downstairs, John said, without prompting, "Happy Birthday Daddy!". In general, his awareness of social situations is improving quite a bit, and he's quicker to both grasp the importance of a social response (waving to someone you know walking down the street or saying Hello), and to actually give that response. He's also figured out rudimentary clothes-matching, though his range of expertise seems to be red shirt + blue pants or blur shirt + blue pants.


Aside from all this, Eric's birthday was pleasant, but marred by the following:

1. The Gators lost
2. The Dolphins lost
3. His hockey team lost

SPECIAL NOTICE

Some of you have suggested that it would be great if you could get a note when there's a new entry in this blog. The software here doesn't let me do that, but what I will do is this: send a comment on this entry (see the bottom of the entry in the lower right hand corner ... click on comment) with your e-mail address. I'll send you an e-mail when there's an update.

Eric

Stop the presses!

At 12:30pm on Sunday, September 18, 2005, the following occurred:

John was pushing Thomas the Tank Engine around the track on his train table. I was watching an assortment of football pregame shows (I know this is a shock). I paused, looked at John and Thomas and, as Thomas passed close by, said "Hello, Thomas." I do this often -- have conversations with my kid's toy trains. Typically, this is a give-and-take, and John replies for Thomas (or Gordon, James, Douglas, Percy, Edward, etc., etc., etc.).

This time though, John stopped, looked at me, and said "Dad, trains don't talk."

Time passed, or maybe it stopped. I just sat there with my jaw open, staring at John. Meekly, I said "They don't?"

"No, they don't. They just whistle."


This child-developmental progress was offset by a bunch of men wearing Miami Dolphins uniforms (I hesitate to call them "Dolphins" because true Dolphins players don't suck like this!), who went out and lost yet another football game. Saturday was better, as the Gators won.

We are selling our stuff and moving to Hawaii

Well, not really, but maybe. If you people ever want to see Burrito again, get ready for a looooong plane ride.

Maui was beautiful. Well, no, that's not right. Of course it was beautiful. Everyone knows that. But it was better than that.

Part of this is because I shot an 85 at the Kapalua Village course. His handicap is down to 14.0. I know all of you care, so I will describe my round in detail. Okay, I will not describe my round in detail, but I will post the picture of my 185-yard 4-iron that stopped 2 inches from the pin.

Eric played golf 3 times. Joyce tagged along for the Kapalua round, as the course is located in a bird sanctuary. Here's the scene: Eric and Joyce are both focused on birdies. Harmony in marriage. Only, one is using these silly little binoculars, one is using his new Taylor Made r7 driver.

We drove to Hana in the 2005 Ford Mustang convertible that Eric insisted on renting. Eric is scheduling his midlife crisis early such that he can relive his youth and the memories of his first car. Once we got to Hana, we did not do what everyone else does and turn around. Not us! We chose to violate the rental agreement and off-road it around the bottom of Haleakala. Fun! The car survived just fine, thank you. We snorkeled at Molokini, ate ridiculously good food, and, well, drove around some more, getting thoroughly hooked on pleasant Hawaiian music. We did all the tourist things there are to do on Maui, including biking down the volcano. Biking is the wrong word. While these were certainly bikes, and had pedals, the pedals were useless. Biking down worked like this: coast, brake, turn, repeat for 38 miles.

John did fabulously in our absence. We are so encouraged by this that the concept of "child abandonment" is seriously creeping into our minds. He had a great time house-hopping, and rolled with the disruptions to his schedule with minimal problem.

His language is also starting to take another leap forward. His "why?" questions, while still incessant, are at least more focused. He's asking more nuanced questions (such as "Why did that fire truck go through the red light?"). His reasoning skills have greatly improved, and he's taking an interest in how words are spelled.

He still, though, thinks he is a train. He will occasionally greet new people with a toot of his horn. We're not kidding. "Hi, I'm Eric, and this is John. John, say hi." "Toot toot!"

At least he's cute.

The other big news in John's world is dental. At his last checkup, they found a cavity. They tried to give him laughing gas to fill it, but he absolutely refused. He kicked, screamed, and pulled the mask away. Sooooooo, we went to the hospital. To fill a cavity.

This happened last week. We went to the hospital. He hated it. Very scared. Crying, kicking, more crying. Hated the parade of doctors and nurses. Really didn't like it with the dentist showed up. However, it was well worth it. He did not have a cavity. He had EIGHT cavities. Let that sink in a second. Eight.

How did that happen? Part of it is because he inherited dad's teeth, which means that his baby teeth came in early, and the molars had soft pits. Thus, like dad was as a kid, he was susceptible to cavities in his baby teeth. This was compounded by the fact that our toothbrushing routine is unchanged from infancy. He wouldn't try to use fluoride toothpaste. So, if you ever wonder if you could get by on cool-tasting infant toothpaste forever, let us dispel that line of thought.

The best part of this, though, came after surgery. In the "better living through chemistry" theme, they gave John an "amnesiac." That evening, he did not remember what he had done that day. Did not remember the hospital. Did not know why he had a band-aid on his arm or adhesive electrodes on his chest. What a relief. We were so afraid that his hospital visit would make future doctor visits all the harder.

Even better: this week, we used fluoride toothpaste. The trick is that it's fun to spit!

School is so much fun, he's going twice!

Note: This was supposed to have posted in August, but for some reason it didn't. So I am reposting it now.

NEWS FLASH: Burrito is NOT going to Hawaii.

But his mom and dad are.

John will get to put his flexibility to the test in the next week, as mom and dad leave to play golf. Well, okay, Eric will be playing golf. Joyce said something about a spa, but, well, how boring is that?! Let's talk golf. Eric will be playing several times, including one of the Kapalua courses. He will also be testing out his new driver, and hoping that United Airlines chooses *not* to mangle his clubs, as they are wont to do.

John will be having a vacation of his own, of sorts. He starts out with Aunt Karen, his Godmother, then goes to stay with Aunt Amy and Uncle Bryant the Goofball. From there, it's back home, where Claire (one of our babysitters, who helpfully lives across the street) will housesit. Three locations in 8 days. He's in such good shape these days that we think he'll do well. We've talked this up for a while, and he seems to get it.

On to the point of this post:

For the fall, John will be going to two preschools. Currently, he attends Laurel's day care program but goes to Clearview Elementary's autism and other special needs class. He's done so well in that environment that we've decided to kick it up a notch. John will attend Laurel's "mainstream" preschool in the morning, and will go to the afternoon session at Clearview. He seems excited about this, although there is some bad news.

You remember Paul? Paul is John's twin. Although they don't look alike, they dress the same (Hey, I'm wearing a Thomas shirt too!) and act the same and do the same things. Well, the good news is that Paul will be on the same schedule as John. He will soon start going to Laurel, and will be in John's class. They get to ride the bus together to and from Clearview. Here's the bad part. We, along with Paul's parents, have decided that the twins should *not* be in the same class at Clearview. This will take some adjustment on Burrito's part, but we're optimistic that he can do it. Our feeling is that John and Paul (insert Beatles joke here) play together almost exclusively, and are not developing adequate social skills apart from just those they use with each other. So, time to force the issue.

I know in the last message I promised more frequent updates. This is not a pipe dream, though I can tell you that there won't be many updates while we're on our trip. Work for both Eric and Joyce has been, well, busy is too mild. Fear not, we won't keep on neglecting this.

I am also mindful that I have manifestly FAILED to post beach trip pics. I will do that, probably next month when I have the forthocming Hawaii pics ready. In the meantime, here are a few "action shots" of John:

A walk on the beach with Burrito is hard work. Really, it takes a lot out of a kid to work this hard.

After pushing that truck back and forth, he managed to even get wet.

Ever see Fantasy Island? Remember Tattoo, who used to start with "the plane, boss, the plane."? Well, there were lots of planes, most of which were carrying ads for local restaurants. John found them.

Finally, John didn't just run around and play at the beach. He wore himself out. Often.

If you find yourself wanting to harm someone...

... this guy seems like a good candidate.

Man in need of a severe beating

Just in case the link disappears, here's the story:

A Fayette County tee-ball coach was arraigned on felony charges yesterday that he bribed a 7-year-old player to throw a baseball at a mentally disabled teammate's face to keep the boy out of a game.

State police said Mark Downs Jr., 27, of Dunbar, offered his star player $25 on June 27 to hit an 8-year-old autistic child with a baseball because he wanted to win the game.

"Just when you thought you had seen everything," said state Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater.

Downs' lawyer, Thomas Shaffer, said his client denies the charges.

"He has two children of his own," said Shaffer. "He could never do this."

Police said Downs asked player Keith Reese to hurt Harry Bowers, who is autistic. Reese threw a ball that hit Bowers in the left ear while they were warming up before a game. After Bowers didn't go down, Reese hit the child in the groin with the ball, police said.

When Bowers ran to tell the coach about the attack, Downs suggested that he sit out the game, police said.

When Jennifer Bowers, the boy's mother, confronted Reese about the deliberate throws, Reese told her the coach had asked him to hurt Bowers, police said. The boy was taken to an emergency room, where he was treated for swollen red marks on his ear and groin.

Bowers could not be reached for comment. State police said she signed up her son for tee ball hoping it would help him overcome some of the social stigma he might face in the future.

Downs was charged with criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault, corruption of minors, conspiracy to commit simple assault and recklessly endangering another person.

Downs and Bowers' mother have clashed in the past about her son's playing time, police said. The R.W. Clark Youth Baseball League requires that each player get at least three innings in the games.

The league investigated the incident after a complaint was made but concluded that it could not prove Downs had done anything wrong.

A woman who answered the phone at Downs' home yesterday said that he would not talk to the media and denied the charges.

Broadwater said after conducting several interviews with the boy who threw the ball and his father, he determined that there was enough evidence to charge Downs.

Downs has a preliminary hearing July 28.

Vacation

First of all, I apologize for the lack of updates lately. I also recognize this is not my first such apology. I am going to get back to the roughly once-a-week update schedule that I maintained in the beginning. It's not lack of material but lack of time, but since this is a prime vehicle for communicating news about John, I will make a better effort. --Eric

We recently returned from a week at the beach. Pictures will be posted in a couple of days.

This was the first time we took John on any significant trip or vacation, aside from a trip to Florida when he was an infant. We weren't sure how John would handle the change in routing plus change in sleeping quarters plus change in eating location, etc. The short version is that he did great, although he got overwhelmed. In total, it's been an extremely busy last 2 weeks, and he's done far better than we expected.

He was nervous about the water, but quickly warmed up to it. If you've been to a beach and seen sandpipers in action, well, you have a good idea of how John did. He dashed in and out of the waves, growing ever more fearless. On day 3, we got him out into waist-deep water, and he had a blast riding the waves (or, more precisely, letting the waves crash into him). A few times, he got his face wet too, and while this clearly affected him, he usually was able to just wipe the water away with his hand and resume playing. That, all by itself, was amazing to see.

We built lots of sand castles and sand pits and such. We brought his Tonka trucks with us, and had massive digging and dumping activities. Of course, this being John, the digging and dumping often happened concurrently, such that he would dig with the front end loader, empty the bucket into the dump truck, and then dump the sand back into the hole he had just created. Fun to watch.

We saw a new side of John, too. When he would get tired (and this was often), he seemed to be trying to keep himself awake. Usually, he did this by talking. Nonstop. About anything. His default was to ask questions over and over, but he would also rehash jokes and previous conversations. It was as if he didn't want to miss any fun, and so didn't want to sleep. He was not 100% successful, though, as you'll see from the pics we post in a couple of days.

John is a train. Got it?

Readers of this blog are undoubtedly well aware that Burrito has a "train thing" going. Recently, he's taken this to new heights. He whistles at people when they're in his way or if he wants to say Hi to them. He makes chugging sounds, and asks if we can see his smoke.

Last weekend, Dodson had the audacity to suggest to him that he did not, in fact, have wheels on his feet. Cue the meltdown! John informed us that he did not want to play with his friends any more. He's getting very self-conscious about these sort of things of late, and when he feels he did something wrong or gets his feelings hurt it's very obvious. We've had to make adjustments in the way we explain things to him, which is hard because we haven't yet found a good way to say "That's not the right thing to do" without having to say that he didn't do the right thing.

It's easier to deal with the hurt feelings thing, if for no other reason than it's far less complicated to be sympathetic and supportive. He's doing much better at expressing his emotions when he's hurt as opposed to throwing something, but it's hard on him. It seems that he's starting to become aware of his feelings, and we think he might be realizing that some of what he does is different.

Amusingly enough, later that same day, the boys were playing inside and decided they wanted to watch a video. John suggested "Best of Gordon." Dodson said - get this - "No, I don't really like train videos." Joyce and Eric suppressed laughter as John then went to his video bin and offered an alternative: "Best of James." A brief intervention rendered a neutral verdict, in the form of Bob the Builder.

Finally, lest you think that Burrito's train obsession is unique, well, we submit this link:

Thomas and Autism

Excuses, excuses

Okay, so it's been a while since we've added to this blog. Here are our excuses, in chronological order:

1. Eric was gone for a week and a half on travel.
2. Eric then started a new job.
3. Then our hot water heater broke.
4. Then the hot water heater, having been repaired, leaked all over the basement.
5. Then the air conditioner broke.

No, we're not kidding.

As we await a verdict on the air conditioner's problem, we've partially moved into the basement. John thinks this is great fun, akin to a campout. He's handled it very well, and the fact that it's a familiar surrounding probably helps, even though it is very different than his room.

John has taken the idea that he's a train to new heights. He blows his whiltle at people. He insists that we follow behind him in a line, as though we are train cars. He makes chugging sounds.

Eric's new job is with DFI International. The work he does is similar to the defense work he did at Palisades, but the clientele is different. Instead of working for various parts of the government, he's working for various defense contractors. After a week and a half, he has found his office, the bathroom, the conference room, and identified roughly half of his co-workers. His new employer also had the audacity to give him a project to work on, so he's being productive on top of that.

Back to John, though. Beyong his transformation into a train, his attitude still needs adjusting. He's discovered that talking back to Mom and Dad is not an effective way to disagree with their rules, but he continues to try it anyway. Highlights include popular favorites like:

No, you're in time out.
You're not my friend anymore.
I don't like you.
Stop talking! Stop talking!
You go away.
Don't you put me in time out.

As such, he remains for sale, cheap.

Yard Work

Since he's now 4, we figured it was time for him to start pulling some weight in the yard.

First task was to help Mom with some planting. Dad was running errands, and so no pictures exist, but when he pulled in the driveway John explained that he and Mom were working very hard. John was actually being productive, too, which was a surprise. He was helping to gather dig rocks out of the flowerbeds and plant flowers.

When Dad got home, it was time to mow the yard.

First, it's very important to survey the lawn to see what's ahead.

Time to get to work!
Notice the small flowers along the edge of the flowerbed. That's some of John's earlier handiwork.

Given that John is new at this, there were a few mistakes. Fortunately, he missed the flowers.

More Burrito Nonsense ... and Pictures

This was just going to be a picture post, but John keeps generating material.

Yesterday, he had a run-in with another boy at school. The boy wanted to play with John, but John wanted to play alone. When Mom picked him up, John ranted about the encounter.

"I don't like friends."
"I don't like school."

Mom opened the windows in the van.
"I don't like air. Close the windows."

This did not soothe him.
"I don't like things. I don't like things everyday."

They passed a bus on the road. Mom pointed this out, hoping to cheer him up.
"I don't like city buses. I don't like city bus noises."

They drove past a road construction site.
"I don't like traffic cones."

You can not make this up.

When John got home, he laid into Dad, who was moving a bird feeder in the front yard.
"I don't like things!" He shouted by way of a greeting.
Dad explained what he was doing.
"I don't like birds."

Alrighty then!


On to the pictures.

This is John on his birthday. Note that he's excited. Note that it's another train-themed item.
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/birthday1.jpg

For John's party, we went with a construction theme. What you cannot see is that John is wearing his Bob the Builder outfit, complete with overalls and toolbelt. However, the group quickly turned their attention to the train table. Shocker. In this picture is Dodson, John and Paulie (l to r).
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/birthday2.jpg

The cast of characters: Sophie, Alden, John, Paulie, and Dodson (clockwise from left). Also making cameo appearances are Alden's and Paulie's moms.
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/birthday3.jpg

No birthday party is complete without a picture of someone eating cake. Here are John and Dodson.
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/birthday4.jpg

After the party, he insisted he dd not need a nap, and wanted instead to sit in his bean bag and watch his new train video. Not tired. Right.
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/birthday5.jpg

Dodson has a battery-powered Jeep that he inherited from his older sister. Yesterday, he and John took it for a spin. This is out in our front yard.
http://home.comcast.net/~routerhead/jeep.jpg

Attitude Adjustment

John needs an attitude adjustment.

On a positive note, he's experimenting more with moods and feelings.

On a negative note, he's being impossible.

For example, Tuesday morning, he got to school and informed his teacher that "He was going to be mean all day." His teacher reports that he was as good as his word.

John had lots of fun at his birthday party, and did much better than he did last month at another friend's party. Of course, it's easier in these busy situations when it's on your home turf, as his party was. He goes to another party at the end of the month, so we'll see if there's been any improvement.

In general, though, Burrito is all attitude these days. For the most part, it's cute, but it has its moments where it's less cute and more frustrating.

At day care, Miss Jeannette is "a bad teacher because she makes me take a nap." When he describes her, he makes a mad face to represent that she gets mad at him for not staying on his cot. Well, duh....

He doesn't want to go to school at all these days. He gets up and says "No school today?" When we correct him, we are rewarded with a temper tantrum. At his current pace, John will be up for adoption in about 3 weeks.

Another fun development in John's life is allergies. This is not a surprise, given that both his parents are allergic to pollen. As a result from his congestion, he got an ear infection, and so we went to the doctor. Well, one of the things doctors like to do is stick tongue depressors in your mouth and check your throat. Burrito did NOT like this, and once the nice doctor was finished he said, "I'm really mad at you!" in the maddest sounding voice he could muster.

As we said, he's really improving in the emotions category!

We will have pictures from his party and other stuff soon. We'll try to get them posted next week.

Burrito at large

Easter Sunday, we went to brunch with Uncle Bryant and Aunt Amy. We went to a Mexican place in Arlington. John was well behaved, which continued a minor miracle he had performed earlier that day in church, when he made it through the entire ceremony without causing a scene.

Midway through the meal, a family sat down at the table next to us and started talking about what they were going to order. The kids starting saying they wanted burritos, and John turned to them and said, "No, I'm a burrito."

Priceless.

***

John: Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Mommy: Well, I don't know. I think I want to be a mommy.
John: I want to be a choo-choo train. A big one.

***

Recently, John has been spicing up the conversation we have on the ride home from school. In the past, he's been content to offer helpful advice on the topic of what he did at school that day, with "Let's not talk about it" being among his favorites.

Lately, though, materialism seems to have taken hold. Now, he gets in the car and says, "We need to go get a new engine at the toy store."

When I find whoever planted this bug, I will kill him.

***

Refreshingly, Burrito still thinks his parents know everything. The only problem is that he wants access to this knowledge, and not in the typical way. Most kids drive their parents nuts with the Why? questions. Yes, John is doing this, but he also seems to think we are clairvoyant. Driving home, after the toy store routine, he will then ask "Is Dodson home?". When we tell him we don't know, he pauses, then asks "Is he home NOW?" Once he exhausts this topic, he moves on to other neighbors, like Avery and Alden.

***

John is having a birthday party this weekend, and is very excited. He's mostly excited about counting the days to his birthday, and the presents sitting on the table, waiting to be opened. Somewhat confusingly, Joyce's birthday is 8 days before, and so there were presents that weren't for him, but he managed. If you didn't get John anything for his birthday, THANK YOU. He has plenty.

***

At church on Sunday, the highlight for John was the Easter egg hunt. We prepped John ahead of time, explaining that he was to pick up any eggs he could find once the race was on. We told him that if he got 5 eggs, he should stop, because we didn't want him to be the kid that pushed everyone out of the way and took all the eggs.

No worries on that front.

John started out fine, and set off toward a pile of eggs. He grabbed 3 and put them in his bucket. At that point, curiosity got the better of him, and he sat down in the grass and began opening up his eggs to see what was inside. After some parental intervention, he got back up and continued his search, but by then the rest of the eggs were gone. He then told us "I only have 3 eggs. I need 2 more."

So the boy can add!

Children's Hospital report

The short version is that he's doing great.

Some of the highlights:

* They recommend that he be placed in a regular preschool program next year. We spoke with his current preschool teacher, and after a little brainstorming we hit upon the idea of John going to 2 preschools - a regular one in the morning and a special one in the afternoon. See, at his day care, there is a regular preschool in the mornings now, but Burrito misses it because he goes to his special program. Next year, the idea is that he can have both the regular program where he can interact with "normal" kids, and the special one where he can continue to get speech and occupational therapy. Children's thought this was a great idea, and endorsed it. So, anyone out there who thinks school is bad, my kid's going to school TWICE next year! Just wait until he's grown up. HIS kids will LOOOOOOVE that one!

* John's verbal comprehension and recall of numbers is just above the 5-year-old level. For a kid that's approaching 4, this is, well, advanced. His abilities in vocabulary, picture/object similarities and pattern construction were all appropriate for his age.

* "Language skills are progressing nicely and are now close to age appropriate."

* "Social foundations are much improved, and John's social communication and relatedness is much stronger now."

Sounds great, right? Well, it is. However, there are still areas for improvement:

* John scored between 2.5 and 3 years in fine motor skills. (His physical age at the time of the test was 3.8 years). This is something his occupational therapists address constantly. On a positive note, John tends to demonstrate capabilities in bursts. What this means is that he will refuse and refuse and refuse to try something, then all of a sudden he will try it - and get it right. He seems to have a low tolerance for trying and failing, and when he is unsure that he can do something he prefers to not do it. Subsequent to the testing, we are seeing some signs that we might be on the cusp of a fine motor skill breakthrough (he's become much more interested in coloring, for instance). However, breakthrough or not, there is plenty of work that remains to be done.

* "He tends to get 'stuck' at times on certain details or one perspective in understanding information in his environment. He has a hard time shifting his way of thinking about problems or stimuli, and tends to become overwhelmed easily when a task requires such cognitive flexibility." This is a hallmark trait of autism. The report adds that, "he also is fairly quick to sense that a problem may be challenging for him, and his anxiety around possible confusion or failure increases quickly."

* The report repeats this theme in the Temperament section: He "continues to struggle with anxiety and frustration around challenging and less predictable situations."

* Adaptive and self-help behavior, though is labeled "Immature but improving". In the month since the evaluation, he has made some solid progress in terms of dressing himself (which he can now do completely, including socks and shoes which have velcro straps). He has trouble with the fine motor aspects of dressing, though, like buttons and snaps. Zippers, though, are not a problem.


All in all, John's progress is steady and accelerated. In most areas, he is catching up with what is considered "age appropriate." Social/temperament and fine motor are the two obvious exceptions, as we all knew previously. The recommendation to place him in a typical preschool program is based on the fact that he notices and mimics other children. Simply put: let him mimic "typical" kids. Also, a normal preschool will be less tolerant of his unwillingness to do something that he doesn't want to do (like drawing or other fine motor tasks) and this will help him to understand that he cannot avoid those activities. Once he realizes he HAS to do something, he usually manages to do it.

We are very pleased with the report, and hope that you are too.

Conversations with Burrito

Sometimes, John writes his own material.

***

Driving down the street, John sees some snow.
John: What's that snow doing?
Dad: It's just sitting there.
John: No, it's resting.

***

Jumping on the bed, John falls off.
John: I'm crying!
Dad: Why?
John: Because I'm sad.
Dad: Why are you sad?
John: Because I fell and got an owee.
Dad: Want a kiss? Kisses make it better.
John: No, I just want to keep crying.
Dad: Huh?
John: I want to cry until I feel better.
Dad: Okay.

John: Can you go away until I feel better?

***

Riding his bike around the cul-de-sac at the end of our street, John changes direction.

Dad: You're going the other way now?
John: Yes.
Dad: You don't want to go that way? When you go that way (downhill over a big bump in the sidewalk), you can go super-fast (this is one of John's new words).
John: I want to go a little slower.

***

Wanting to play outside, Mom tries to persuade John to play on the deck instead.

Mom: Why don't you play on the deck?
John: There's ice. It's not safe.
Dad: He's right, the deck is pretty iced over.
Mom: So is the front yard.
John: That ice is safe.

***

Diabolical!

First of all, we apologize for not posting in a while. We should have a Children's Hospital follow-up to post soon. For now, we have a story from John's school.


The wheels on the bus go round and round
Round and round
Round and round
The Wheels on the bus go round and round
All through the town

Everyone knows this song, right? After the wheels, you sing about the wipers going swish-swish-swish, the horn going beep-beep-beep, the driver saying "Move on back", and so on.

In John's preschool class, this is a common group activity. The kids all line up, and pick one part of the song. For instance, you might decide you wanted to be the horn, and so when it got to be your turn in line you'd do the horn part. The song goes down the line, with the kids singing their chosen verses.

One of John's best friends, Paul, is in his class. He is very similar to John - very. They have playdates together, where he comes over and plays or we meet at the local Chick-Fil-A, which has a really cool indoor slide and jungle gym that John and Paulie like to play on.

Well, when they do this song, Paulie always - and I mean ALWAYS - picks the door, which goes "Open and shut." This is his rock, his island of stability in the topsy-turvy world that is Wheels on the Bus. John has his own "rocks" too, but he's pretty flexible when it comes to this song.

One day recently, the class lined up to sing Wheels on the Bus. John was standing right next to Paul, and when it came John's turn to pick a verse he paused, looked over at Paulie, smiled, and said "I want to be the door." This sent poor Paulie into a total meltdown. John started laughing. The more Paul cried, the more John laughed.

Noted his teacher: "On one hand, I was so proud of John. That showed real cognitive thinking, predictive analysis, and so on. John knew he would get a rise out of Paul, and seemed truly pleased that he was able to figure that out. However, Paulie was just crying."

No hard feelings, though. Yesterday, during playtime, Paul was playing with the trains when another kid bumped into the tracks and broke them. John heard Paulie get upset, stopped what he was doing, and came over to help Paulie put them back together. He then left Paulie alone and returned to what he was doing. See, we're not completely bad parents!

-----------------------

A week ago Friday, John went to Children's for his follow-up testing. He did quite well in several areas, including vocabulary. He also did well in many of the cognitive tests, which was a terrific thing to see. One especially interesting part involved a matching game.

In a standard matching game, you get a card with a picture on it and have to match it to another picture on either a card or a sheet of paper. The key here is that, somewhere on that page, is an identical image. This game was different. John was given a card with an image, and 4 choices on the page, however none of the images were an exact match. For example, he would have on his card a circle with 4 black dots, and on the page would be a triangle with 1 dot, a square with 4 dots, a square with 2 dots, and a triangle with 3 dots.

His initial reaction was to put the card over the square with 4 dots. However, almost as soon as he did this, he would get upset and complain that the card didn't match. As the game went on, he grew more and more frustrated. He's almost always get the correct answer right off the bat, but then get angry either because the game wasn't what he was expecting or because he didn't understand what was right. He would throw the cards, shout No!, or try to turn the pages in the book to see if another page had the right picture.

The doctor was impressed. She'd never seen a kid react quite like that before, and her guess was that we were witnessing what is called an "emerging" ability. He can do it, but doesn't know why he can do it yet. Again, when he'd make a guess, he was getting that guess right about 90% of the time, which meant that he knew the answer. But he clearly didn't like the answer, or didn't know why it was right.

We also have some pictures that I'll try to get posted soon.

Children's Hospital visit

Every 6 months or so, John goes back to Children's Hospital for an evaluation. The goal with these evaluations is for people who does not interact with him on a daily or weekly basis to give him an assessment. His two doctors there have been with us from the start, and it's always helpful to get their feedback in this way. We were there last Friday, and here's what they said:

If John came to us now, with no history of an autism diagnosis, we wouldn't classify him as autistic.

What this means: John is who he is. Autism isn't something that is cured, at least not at this point. The goal of treatment plans, and particularly early-intervention treatment, is to "rewire" the brain's neurological processes and to teach the child coping strategies for dealing with the outside world. More and more research is showing that autistic spectrum disorders are the result of the brain's inability to process sensory and other related neurological information appropriately. In very young children, it's possible to help rewire some of this and to train their brains to process this better (In John's case, lots of speech and occupational therapy), and in addition, to help them learn to cope with the things that bother them (i.e. how to avoid stressful or problematic situations).

What this really means: John's doing so absolutely wonderfully that it's hard to tell, at a glance, that he's autistic at all.

Make no mistake about it, he's still who he is. He's just coping with it extremely well.

Further, they want us to consider putting him in regular classes next year, as opposed to the special education class he's in now. Their thinking is that, since he's learned to model other students so well, that he should be exposed to "normal" kids to use as his role models. See, for John, his biggest hurdles right now are in social interaction and fine-motor skills, and for a kid who likes to copy others, nothing beats throwing him in a room with others who *want* to write with crayons and who carry on more normal conversations.

The next step happens on Friday. We go back to Children's for a full cognitive evaluation. This will help us quantify just how well John's cognitive abilities are, and will be an indicator to how he'd do in a mainstream pre-kindergarten environment. He'd probably still need some help in occupational and speech therapy, but we'll get a good idea of whether he can hack it in the rough-and-tumble of "normalcy."

We'll post again once we get back from that appointment.

John's World and Ours

First of all, we apologize for the lack of posts of late. Joyce had foot surgery last week, and this has meant that Eric had to actually do stuff around the house. The horror!

John is learning to apply what he learns in his world to his understanding of others' activities. Of course, this being John, he's doing this in humorous ways.

The other night, while putting John to bed, he asked what Mommy and Daddy were going to do after he went to bed. We told him we were going to watch a movie. As you know, John's world is basically Thomas the Tank Engine, with occasional helpings of Bob the Builder, Dora the Explorer, the Wiggles, etc. Thomas, however, reigns supreme. At hearing that we were going to watch a movie, he inquisitively asked if we would be watching Thomas and His Friends Help Out. We said no, but he was undeterred. "Are you gonna watch Best of James?"

This Thomas-themed life extends beyond movies. Last week, his aunt and uncle had come over for dinner, and as Eric took John upstairs for his bath, John heard Mommy's voice downstairs, talking to Aunt Amy and Uncle Bryant. John asked, "Is Mommy talking to the engines?"

We're wondering if the train thing is going too far. Just about any occurrence in life can be addressed by a quote from a Thomas video. If he sees a problem somewhere, John's response might be "Disgraceful. Despicable. Disgusting" or perhaps "Oh, dear." As you can guess, these are lines from the videos. When boredom hits, such as driving around town, train dialogue is a great way to liven up the mood. John will carry out an entire scene's worth of dialogue. At a restaurant? No problem. We have a travel Thomas set that is used only when eating out, and we get Thomas replays. All for free!

Beyond Thomas, the other thing John knows is that he does not like Daddy. And by "not like" we mean that Daddy seems to be unbearable. In the mornings, John often comes into Mommy and Daddy's room (which he calls "Mommy's room") and climbs up onto "Mommy's bed." If he gets a boo-boo, he runs past Daddy to get to Mommy. When Daddy scolds him or gives him a time-out, he responds with "No, I want Mommy. Where's Mommy?" The simple yet direct "Go away Daddy" is Eric's favorite.

Still, Eric seems to have some redeeming value, typically involving chasing, tickling, or playing outside with John. Daddy also seems to be a competent train-track builder.

"No, not the TV"

Note the date and time: John uttered these words on Saturday, January 8, 2005 at approximately 8:00am.

John got a Leap Pad for Christmas, and also received several "modules" for it. One of these was for Dora the Explorer. He woke up on Saturday, and we went downstairs, where he said "I wanna watch Dora." Being a Bad Parent (TM), Eric gave in, and grabbed for the remote. He then said "No, not on the TV. On this" and help up his Leap Pad. Fortunately, neither of us sustained injury in falling out of our chairs.

John's language is improving dramatically these days. On the way home, John and Eric typically talk about their days. Well, Eric does, and then asks "How was your day?" John seems to be tiring of this thinly-veiled memory quiz. He used to dismiss Dad by saying "Toys" as though that would be enough. This week, he's added "nothing" and, best yet, "Let's not talk about it."

He's a prodigy! They say this doesn't usually happen until the teenage years!

Take your Burrito to Work Day!

Last week, between Christmas and New Year's Day, John's schools were closed. Thanks to a lot of people's help, we were able to find babysitting which made it so that we didn't have to take the entire week off. On one of those days, John came to work with me and was then handed off to Joyce's sister at lunchtime.

So, John and I headed to the office. He did very well on the drive in, except that I forgot his sunglasses and we were driving into the sun. This prompted him to demand a correction to the problem, which he did by repeatedly saying "Go away sun." Indeed.

Upon arriving at work, we did the obligatory tour of the place and introduced him to co-workers who hadn't seen him in a while. The verdict was unanimous, that he was cute (this is his one redeeming quality) and that they can't even tell that he's autistic (music to my ears!). However, he wasn't finished yet.

Task number one, once he got done with the tour, was to have Daddy build him a train track. In his office. John especially liked the "cave" which was under the desk. Never mind that it's a bit hard to work with a kid pushing a train under your desk chair and feet. This was only the beginning.

When John plays with the Thomas trains, he likes to watch the Thomas videos, and sure enough, he wanted to watch a video. Unfortunately for Eric, his laptop HAS a DVD player, and thus his work environment was transformed into a theater and train track.

Then it was bathroom time. Taking a child to a bathroom, especially a child who is still working on that whole potty training thing, is a funny experience, or it would be if it were happening to someone else. Add in John's, er, inquisitiveness, and hilarity ensues. Every noise he heard was greeted with an inquiry. "John, that's someone flushing the potty." "John, that's the door closing." "John, never mind what that noise was."

Are you done yet?

Now, going to the potty is cause for celebration these days, and his success was marked with a declaration of "I did it. I went pee-pee in the potty."

Why oh why did the bathroom have to be FULL OF PEOPLE?!?

So Eric did the mature thing, which was to wait in the stall with John until everyone left. John was helpful, asking if we could go back and play with trains, followed by "What are we waiting for?"


John's become very inquisitive of late. This is a good thing, by and large. There was a time where we never thought he'd notice enough of the world outside his head to ask those sorts of questions. Now our frustration is that they are unceasing. Truth be told, it's a refreshing problem to have.

Santa Claus apparently decided John was good enough for a visit

First of all, Merry Christmas! Santa was good to John this year, bringing him a bike and lots of Thomas the Tank Engine train stuff. Santa also brought some Bob the Builder toys that conveniently run on the Thomas train tracks, along with a Polar Express train and coach that also runs on the tracks. Santa brought Mom and Dad matching sinus infections. Needless to say, those holiday cards you're used to getting late? They'll be even later this year! No picture, either, as we completely forgot to have it taken in time. Yep, we've gone "low rent."

Christmas day was cold but clear, and so once our presents were opened we hit the road with the bike. We went down to Dodson's house, because Dodson also has a bike and we wanted to show Dodson that we had one too. We stayed fairly close to home, and John learned that he liked pedaling downhill much more than uphill, and he insisted on getting off and pushing the bike uphill. Also, when going fast, turning seems to be a little trouble for him. We'll get there, though.

John got lots of toys, but not as many as in previous years. A big THANK YOU to everyone who showed some restraint! This year wasn't nearly as overwhelming for him.

There's more to tell, like our potty training escapades, but that will have to wait a couple of days. On top of not feeling well, both Eric and Joyce have work deadlines for this week.

Sitting with Santa Claus

This year, we decided to take a gamble and take John to see Santa. In years' past, we thought this would be a terrible idea - large crowds of people, a large, strangely-dressed man, and the ultimate test of actually sitting on his lap and talking to him.

We did our prep work early, as you can imagine. For about a month, we've been reading stories at night about Santa and that Santa brings presents at Christmas. We explained to John that his part in this was that he had to go and see Santa, and tell him what he wanted. Last week, we did a test run, where we went to the mall (to the same place we'd ultimately be taking him) and showed him Santa and the line. When he saw Santa, he started to say that he wanted a new bus (go figure!). We told him that we needed to wait our turn.

Judgement Day was Wednesday. The line was long, but Joyce took John to the play area and I kept our spot in line. Once we got close, John came back, and we started reviewing the order of battle: introduce ourselves to Santa, sit on lap, say what we want, get picture taken.

When the moment of truth came, he froze, but just a bit. He came in and we helpfully said "John, say Hi to Santa." Santa was great, and said "Come here John." John then said "Thomas and Percy." Thomas and Percy, as some of you know, are two of the trains in the Thomas the Tank Engine series. Mind you, he already has those two, but hey, we had a conversation going and we weren't going to mess it up. Besides, prior to that, he kept saying he wanted a long bus with kids inside like Mr. Jerry drives. Mr. Jerry is his actual school bus driver, the one he rides to school, and we interpreted John's request as meaning that he wanted an actual school bus. Um...... no......

So anyway, back to Santa. We and Santa convinced John to sit on his lap, and Santa asked his question. John again responded "Thomas and Percy." We then worked on the picture, which as some of you know, getting John to sit for a picture is usually a disaster that involves somehow converting a scared, screaming child into a happy, smiling child. This usually does not work, unless I sit out of sight and tickle him.

On the fourth try, we got the following:

John and Santa Claus

Success!

John then hopped down, and Santa gave him a little book. John looked at the book, and we reminded him of his manners and asked him "What do you say to Santa?" He turned to Santa, and said...

"Thomas and Percy."

We have a zoo

I don't mean that our house is chaotic. It is, but that's not where I'm going here.

Who says autistic kids don't role-play? Over the past two weeks, we've accumulated an ever-growing zoo of wildlife in our house. It began when John started being a cat, which basically entailed him crawling around on all fours and meowing. But he didn't stop there. He tried to eat the cats' food and lick water out of the cats' bowl. He crawls over and wants you to pet him on the head.

Now he's expanding his repertoire. By "expanding" here I mean he basically changes the sounds he makes. He crawls up to you, and barks, says "baa," or perhaps "ribbit." He is, to his credit, changing up the routine a bit. Yesterday, he hopped over (on all fours - this is funny to watch) and said "ribbit." Dogs also hop, apparently, though I don't know why. For an elephant, he comes over and trumpets while holding his hand straight out, pretending it's a trunk.

The elephant gets a lot of action. He'll do the elephant anywhere, especially places like restaurants where they're not terribly interested in having a 3-year-old kid make an extremely loud trumpeting noise while holding his arm out in what looks, to the unknowing, like a Nazi salute.

The elephant also likes to use his trunk to spray water on people, after which Burrito will come over and wipe off your face. At least he's cleaning up after himself...

Oh, you washed my shirt, thank you so much!

He's on a politeness streak, apparently. Last weekend, he was helping with the laundry as he often does. This help involves my dropping the wet clothes from the washer onto the dryer door, and Burrito pushing them into the dryer. Well, he spotted one of his favorite shirts (no points for guessing that it has trains on it), and said, "Oh, that's my shirt. Thank you, thank you so much." This wasn't a fluke, either. When he saw a pair of his pants, he said, "Oh, thank you for cleaning my pants."

It's not just laundry, either. The other night, Joyce brought one of his train cars upstairs for him to play with in bed, and he thanked her too. He also thanked me yesterday for getting him some juice.

This is too good to be true.

On another note, John doesn't know anything. The past week or two have been filled with comments like "I don't know where we're going" or "I don't know what that is" or "I don't know where we are."

I don't know who put this line in his head! Hey, at least he's making conversation.

Your child is so well behaved!

We went out to eat last night, at a place that's not all that kid-friendly. John did really well, especially under the circumstances. He did a great job of using his "inside voice" and kept his toy trains mostly to himself.

He was a hit with the ladies who run the place too, who thought he was cute. He even let them tickle his chin - yes, he let strangers touch him. It was pretty unbelieveable.

The best came toward the end, when the people at the table next to us got up to leave. The gentleman asked us how old he was, and then said "He's very well behaved. Congratulations."

Um, right.....

Christmas trees apparently don't go on top of Mommy's car

We went to get a Christmas tree on Sunday. Daddy's Truck is in the shop, and so we took Mommy's Car. All was well. We pulled in the lot. We got out, and started looking at trees. Burrito thought this was great, and ran around looking at trees too.

Once we made a selection, our worries began. Last year, he freaked out when they used the chain saw to make a fresh cut in the wood. Not this year, though. He was a trooper, and just covered his ears. Nor did he freak out when we went into the crowded building to pay for it. He was great. He even said "Hi" to a random stranger, and hung out by the outdoor fire pit they had set up.

But nobody, and I mean NOBODY, puts a tree on Mommy's Car!

The helpful gentleman at Meadows Farms Nursery bundled up our tree and gently placed it on the roof. He then began tying the tree to the roof rack.

This was, apparently, unacceptable.

John asked what he was doing? I explained that he was putting the tree on the car so we could take it home. John, unsatisfied with the answer, began crying. Loudly. Then screaming. NONONONONONONO!!!!!!

I put him in his car seat and gave him some of his toys to play with, thinking that this would distract him. Nope. He clearly saw through me, and started crying EVEN LOUDER. Joyce came dashing out of the building, probably in hopes that whatever was making that noise wasn't John, but no such luck.

He didn't calm down until the man stepped away from the car and we were on our way. And when we did get home, he got out and calmly pointed out the tree on top of Mommy's Car.

Okay, he still doesn't like the dentist

What do you get when you take 1 autistic kid, add 1 part touch-sensation issues, and add 1 part noise-sensation issues? You get yet another dentist visit from Hell!

He knew he was in for a tough afternoon right away. I picked him up at school, and told him we were going to the doctor. Once safely buckled in his seat, I gave him the real story, that this was a special doctor called the dentist. He clearly remembered the word dentist -- and remembered that it was a bad thing. He covered his mouth, and said "No, no count the teeth." This is what we told him last time. We told him the dentist just wanted to count his teeth.

Once we arrived, he was in partial anxiety mode. He was nervous, but I was able to distract him with toys and general observations like "Hey, look at that big truck." Inside, there were more toys to play with, and the big fish tank. However, once they called his name, it was back to the old days! Down on the floor, kicking, crying, and covering his mouth.

We go to a special dentist office, one that specializes in autistic children. This is a good thing, because no other dentist would tolerate John. He required 2 nurses, along with me, to keep him in check. Even then, he kept wriggling a hand free and covering his mouth. The little wand that rotates didn't help, either. It's supposed to polish his teeth, but I think it ended up polishing his nose, cheek, and shirt.

Once it was all over, we celebrated by getting some ice cream. However, the experience clearly made its mark on him. When we put him to bed last night, he started crying again, and saying "No dentist." I'll be glad when he's older and we can explain dental visits to him. Once he understands what's happening, he tends to be calmer. The dentist, for him, it just terrifying, and he cries like he's scared. Not fun.